Hello everyone, welcome to my first blog post! Well, I’m not gonna lie, I had to research what one should write on their first post, and all the experts out there say it’s nice to have an introduction, so I figured I should start this journey from the beginning and tell you my story. It all started when my mother met my father…
Nah, just kidding! This was just an excuse to use this adorable baby picture of me!
Now, for real… throughout my life I’ve been on a endless search to discover who I am and what I want to do with my life. I don’t know about you, but the question that I feared the most was always the same…
What do you want to be when you grow up?
So, naturally, I used the most time consuming, but also the more accurate method: trial and error. I was in the theatre, in a band, studied arts, cinema, production, photography, video, design… you name it. Eventually I sticked to the ones I enjoyed the most and settled with video and photography.
However… there was always a little voice in my head saying that I needed to “get a real job” — even though I had always supported myself and had already created a respectable portfolio along the years. That said, the voice in question won the invisible battle in my mind and so… I went to law school. Yes, you read me wright. And yes, as you might be guessing, I hated every second of it!
Fast forward to 2020, I became sick. Much like every living soul on the planet, I started to work from home and it was fine at first. But it became very difficult really fast. One morning in June I suddenly woke up with a huge pain on my chest and I really though I was having a heart attack. Went to the hospital — let’s remember this was in the peak of COVID-19 and the doctors were going through a living hell. Did a bunch of exames and according to the doctor I was fine, so they gave me the medication and I went home. Long story short, I had my first panic attack and literally though I was dying!
It went on for a couple of days but it turned out that my body wasn’t happy with me and in response it gave me five nodules on the right side of my neck. After doing a lot of exams, tests and medication — even had a biopsy recommended and I swear I though I had cancer or something like that — I finally had an appointment with my doctor that knows me since I was 15 years old, and with one look she told me: “all your exams are fine, but the real question is what are we going to do about your anxiety?”
So, after consideration, I quit my job, started on anxiety medication and began my healing process. Let me just point out that at the time I was working part-time at a telecommunications company in tech support and as freelancer with photo/video. As soon as I quit, the nodules magically disappeared after a few days. Yes, the mind is a powerful thing and our bodies do their best to let us know we need to make changes. So I did.
One day, when I was just chillin’ in the YouTube rabbit hole, I came across a video made by one of the nicest women in the world and she was making an Harry Potter book nook. Her name is Martina and the YouTube channel is Nerforge — I. WAS. IN. LOVE. In that moment I thought to myself “I need to make one of those. I need that in my shelves!!! OMG!” — so I dug up my art supplies from high-school and started my journey. Until this day I adore that woman and one of my goals is that one day I’ll be able to tell her “Thank you. You changed my life.”
Whilst doing my book nook — it took me a month and a half, by the way — I never once thought about doing it as a business. No, this was just for me, my healing process. So I only showed it to a few people, my husband, my cousin and my mother. These three were a pain in my *ss I tell ya, specially my cousin, the only nerd in the trio! They really empowered my to showcase what I was doing and in time, I accepted. Christmas came and I made presents for the family and everyone encouraged me as well so I decided to go with the cliché “new year, new me”!
Life has a peculiar way to show you the way. So, as I was still doubting myself, my talent for becoming an artist, my creations, I had an accident, and a nasty one at that! I cut my hand and almost lost the thumb on my left hand. The first wake up call was when I was being prepped for surgery and the nurse said “where you alone when this happen dear? oh, you’re very lucky you didn’t faint or you wouldn’t be here to tell the story!” — “I’m sorry… WHAT?! I could have died, is that it?” — and yes… that was it. I could have died because I cut an artery. And so I went to surgery and when I woke up, still kinda off because of the meds, the nurse asked me a few questions to access how I was doing and amongst those questions was one, probably the most important one: “What do you do, honey?” — and my answer was simple, natural, comfortable even, but it was the first time I felt it was right — “I am an artist.”
The recovery was, and still is tough, but I managed to stay focused with my husband’s help. He was the sweetest human being in the whole world and never once stoped encouraging me to keep trying. And so I did. I kept trying and I knew I finally had the answer to that question that haunted me all my life: “What do you want to be when your grow up?”
An artist.